“People don’t change” says Dr House , in the American medical drama House. But is that true? Well… it depends. I believe that some people can’t change because they don’t want to. They either believe that they can’t do it, that it’s not possible, that it’s too difficult or they don’t know that they can. They accept their habit, their behaviours as they are and do not question them. They keep their eyes closed because it serves them in some way. The truth is that everybody can change if they want to, if they are ready to go forward, to accept responsibility, to take action. The first step is to be aware that you want to change something in your life and to know what it would bring you. Once you have the motivation and you are committed to change, you need a support structure. Change requires time and effort and you need someone to support you along the way, to be there for you, to encourage you. Think of the other kinds of structures that you’ll need to put in place, as changing one thing in your life often means changing lots of other things as well. Will you need a diary? to buy new things that will help you, make it easier for you? manage your time differently? Celebrate each step that gets you closer to your goal, each little success and before you know it, you’ll be there.
So many people complain, judge, criticize or blame because it’s easy to do, but how many people do realise that they can change their point of view or act and actually do it? Complaining or judging is about the others, what is outside ourselves, it’s about what we cannot change. Taking responsibility is about our inner self, it’s something that we have control on.
I believe that life is all about choices, not acting is a choice even if people do not realise it. They choose not to act because it serves them in some way. They get something out of self-blame and self-judgement. However they can make the choice to change their perspective, to accept responsibility and act if necessary. The choice is about staying in a “stuck” place or choosing to respond, giving ourselves the opportunity to be “respond-able”. It requires efforts but it is empowering and enables to go forward and live our life the way we want right now.
I listened to Lion Goodman seminar “Transform your clients’ beliefs” and did the belief closet activity. We now all know that we all have got thousands of underlying beliefs and that they are the core of who we are. We have many of them when we were small (we were told what to do/ not to do all the time) and we have kept most of them thinking that they were the truth, they were who we are and did not question them. However, as adults we need to check if they all still serve us. Indeed some still help us but others do not, they are like barriers to growth, development, happiness… We need to identify them and make the choice to let go of them. How? This is the big question. I believe that the first person to do so is myself, as I have always done a lot of self-reflection/ introspection. I have managed to get rid of some but many others are still lying there and it seems that they cannot be reached. The second person who can help me will be my coach, who will be able to ask me the right questions and therefore help me go further into the reflections. Limiting beliefs are all about choice: do we want to identify the beliefs who do not serve us? Are we ready to really reflect of what they are? Do we really want to know who we are? Once they’ve been identified, do we want to keep them or get rid of them? Are we ready to change and go forward? We can be who we want to be, do what we want to do, as long as we are committed, motivated and supported.
sylviagautier 